Self-realizations: Getting older yet wiser, is it enough?

 

Self-Realizations #1 April, 2010   Sun, April 4, 2010 - 4:59 AM

 

Self-Realizations #1 April, 2010

I can feel myself getting older - but perhaps I'm getting wiser, too. I am starting to fear less that time when I won't be 'attractive' anymore because it is slowly dawning on me that I'll still be attractive to some people because of a couple of simple reasons:

1) As I get older, so do a lot of other people. So their perceptions also change as do their tastes and attractions. So even I fear losing my hairline or getting a droopy chin or sagging neck, there are also a lot of men my age and even younger who are aging even faster (or at least at the same rate).

2) Real beauty is only skin deeper.

3) Great sexual stimulation does not always involve penetration and cumming in a hole.

4) Good photography can work wonders! (lol) and so does makeup and face-lift, but I'll think I have to do without the latter two.

5) There is a lot to be said about being admired, respected and even adored by a horde of younger men who see me more and more as a father figure-type guy whom they would like to emulate.

Sun, April 4, 2010 - 4:59 AM -

A Comment   Shortly afterward, a new friend on Tribe.net added these reflective and comforting words.

Pias

Sun, April 4, 2010 - 7:25 AM As I sit here and ponder over your great words of truth and wisdom, i realize that as we grow older, we indeed become wiser and even our bodies become more and more sensitized to the sensual pleasures of intimacy, many on entire new levels, which I love so much in my own body. When I turned 40, I felt a wonderful change of a more mellow personality and taking less for granted in my daily life, appreciating the material world less and less has really helped me to grow and deepen my own maturing rite of passage... Also I find that my sexual desires have changed in many ways, like you mentioned, their is so much more to our sexuality and sexual desires than that of penetration and cumming quickly... I now enjoy savoring all the deep rooted creative juices that flow inside me when I'm sexing.... just the joys of being with another person sharing honest and loving nakedness. Sharing the truth of our bodies mind and soul, its a Glorious thing to celebrate and honor... So my words to you as you continue to journey into and through your own maturity. enjoy the process and what a blessing its been to talk with you here, to share these important thoughts.                                                                                                                       Warmest friendship, Pias

My Response

Mon, April 5, 2010 - 4:22 PM

Pias, Thank you for writing about my developing self-realizations. I'm sure there are more to emerge or crystallize sooner or later.

They stem from two major factors:

1) I'm a gay man who's had to (or felt compelled) to live my life in a somewhat duplicitous way.
 - I've lived a double life (not to everyone who matters - by the way). Gay / Straight, married but acting in places and time like a single gay male, I'm both a father/son, but also sexually active with other gay men, some my age, older and young enough to be my sons - most of the latter was anonymous sex - pick-ups, clandestine encounters, tearooms or furtive sex with strangers.

The dawning realization is that life was unfulfilling and rather empty. Maybe that's being a bit too harsh.. but it's how I feel at the moment.

2) The second fact (and factor) is that I am aging: getting older. It had always been to not disclose my real age because I had a youthful appearance: slim body, dark hair, few wrinkles. Now those physical markings - the signs of age -- are becoming all too evident. I can no longer either truthfully or even deceptively hid my real age much longer.

It's not simply a matter of my own perception of a lack of my own 'attractiveness' as a older man. I think I will alter my own self-perception once I can accept the facts. But aging brings with it many other gifts and some benefits which - while I had heard people speak of -- my parents, older friends, co-workers, famous persons (writers, actors) among others, I had not experienced it for myself - so I remained unconvinced that I could find anything good thing about becoming old (a relative term, I agree). At least until recently. More to follow.

I have moved this blog entry  -- at least continued it to my Kelly's Second Life (blog) at
http://kelly-sb.blogspot.com   It was originally posted at:  http://people.tribe.net/sunbuns
(Tribe.net does not send out notifications (as does Blogger) or allow other important features. So generally my blog entries get re-published on several different of blogs on multiple platforms (and via RSS).

Thanks for inspiring me, Pias. Your connection and understanding with your own physical sexuality is pretty amazing to hear about and gets me tantalized to read and think about.

Kelly

Shared father-son fantasy - interesting revelation by a friend

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Caught Jerking: Having Sex while Growing up at Home

dick1 U.S.A. : Pennsylvania : Pittsburgh  age: 44 role: Bottom	Original posting: dick1 10 Sep 2008, 08:48 Have you ever been caught masturbating, or having sex while growing up at home?
sjersey U.S.A. : Florida : Miami  age: 42	Follow up: sjersey 10 Sep 2008, 11:52 Yes, my brother was entering our bedroom as I was exiting to the bathroom, covered in my own cum, he kept asking me what I was doing. Then I had to jerk off with him to prove him wrong.
tupapi U.S.A. : California : central valley  age: 47 role: Top	Follow up: tupapi 10 Sep 2008, 22:05 how old were you guys?
Uncle Bob U.S.A. : California : San Jose  age: 54 role: Bottom	Follow up: Uncle Bob 11 Sep 2008, 00:38 once by my mom
Jax Germany : Niedersachsen : Hannover  age: 29 role: Versatile	Follow up: Jax 11 Sep 2008, 18:13 I got caught by my dad once while jerking off and had a few close calls with my brother though he knew exactly what I was doing. Once or twice he actually caught me and kept looking for a couple secs.
a1britguy U.K. : Hampshire : Southampton  age: 28 role: Top	Follow up: a1britguy 11 Sep 2008, 18:25 was never actually caught - which is suprising cos when I lived with my parents, it was all I ever seemed to do - wank, wank, wank, lol
mikewnnz Australia : Queensland : Brisbane  age: 39 role: Versatile	Follow up: mikewnnz 11 Sep 2008, 19:57 Was caught by my brother a few times & my mum & dad - Guess i was a chronic masturbator and didn't really care about getting caught !
oneiric Australia : ACT : Canberra  age: 24 role: Bottom	Follow up: oneiric 11 Sep 2008, 20:07 I was caught by my straight flatmate once. I thought he was at work all day, and I was riding this guy in my bedroom which is right off the entry hall, and I didn't close my bedroom door. so when he came home for lunch he looked in and closed the door for me. I was so embarrassed, but not as much as the guy I was bouncing on :P

Locker Room Etiquette 2

Leonhardtx says:
I agree again, at least in part, with Rye3111's comments. Wandering around naked so much is weird and unnecessary. But I don't want to let myself feel threatened by that, because nothing is actually happening. I'm not going to let the weird behaviour of others control how I feel. In that sense I like T. Oguy's approach. Let's be comfortable and not defensive. But I have no intention of wandering around nude all the time.
If that's what Rye1111 meant too, then I agree with him entirely. Very useful comments, at least for me.

Posted on 08/18/2008 at 9:08 pm EST

Rye3111 says:
The stuff we're talking about is, getting out of the shower, staying in the common area naked, walking back to your locker naked, getting your toiletries naked, walking back to the mirror/sink naked, taking 15 minutes to shave and do your hair naked and basically doing whatever it is you can to be naked until the very last minute.
I know this may be an exaggeration in a sense, but honestly it really seems that way.

It doesn't bother me in the least with respect to how comfortable I am, I guess I just think its weird. I mean its still a public place and it really seems like these guys just love being all sorts of naked in the locker room around other men

Posted on 08/18/2008 at 6:03 pm EST

Rye3111 says:
T.Oguy I think you're missing hte point. In my mind being naked in the locker room shoud have nothing to do with how comfortable you are. Let me use an example. I played varsity lacrosse in college. We were a pretty tight group, and pretty crazy and immature. There were plenty of retarded things going on in the shower like guys pissing on each other when they weren't looking or making jokes/stupid comments about somebody's piece. Yeah I know we were all meatheads.

Anyway, point being though, once the shower was over, generally guys covered up at their locker. Not fast, just eventually. It wasn't uncommon to walk through our locker room and see a dozen guys naked at their locker, but chances are they all just got out of the shower and they were all in the process of getting dressed.

Posted on 08/18/2008 at 5:58 pm EST

T.Oguy says:
Leonhardtx, I agree that guys should be more comfortable in the locker rooms and even myself have often shyed away just keeping my head down and changing as fast as possible to just get out. I think part of it could be atributed to a man's school years. In the past students were told to go "hit the showers" and now a days kids are told to get changed and out as fast as possible not using the facilities.

Reading some of the comments I think when I start going to the gym again this fall I'll try to be less nervous in the locker room because its not meant to be a tense place and if we all would care a bit less it could be a bit more of a comfortable experience.

Posted on 08/18/2008 at 4:58 pm EST

someguy says:
If you feel the need to walk around the locker room completely naked, your a moron. Its a public place, just because there are no females in the area doesnt make it ok to run around naked. At my gym, there is always the same guy that I think just likes to be naked. He gets out of the shower and stands in front of the mirror and gets ready for work. Brushes his teeth, shaves, does his hair, etc. Thats just wrong man. Put a towel on for christ sakes and cover up. I dont expect you to get dressed right away but I dont think its to much to ask to cover up while you are at the sink.

Posted on 08/18/2008 at 3:01 pm EST

Leonhardtx says:
Thanks Rye3111. Your comments sheds some light on this. You are right -- I personally don't wander around naked after a shower, usually put a towel around me or my boxers on, and then shave.

I know what you mean about really old guys wandering around naked, but it's never bothered me. That's part of the point I was making -- they don't seem to stare or even look, they're just really comfortable with their bodies and aren't fussed about being naked. Looks a lot better to me than the anxiety the younger guys seem to feel.

My guess is the old guys grew up in a time where homosexuality wasn't such an issue, and they have nothing to prove about their sexuality (had their kids, I sometimes hear guys like that talking about their grandkids). We should be so comfortable IMHO.

Posted on 08/18/2008 at 1:52 pm EST

FixUpLookSharp says:
... What's wrong with prancing around naked!?

Posted on 08/18/2008 at 12:20 pm EST

Rye3111 says:

Leonhardtx, i think its meant more in the sense of staring, not just glancing.

I'm agreeing with MH on the staying naked too long, and it does tend to be the older men. Leon, look, comfortable or not, I just don't see a reason to be hanging out naked in the locker room. Nobody is saying that you need to do speed dressing here. But, and I've been seeing this my whole life, there's some older men at my gym who will dry off at their locker, and then walk over to the blow dryer, still naked, and do their hair for 5 minutes, while being naked the whole time. Why not wrap the towel around yourself? Why not toss on your underwear? It seems like a lot of men there just really like to go out of their way to be really naked for a really long time.

Posted on 08/18/2008 at 11:06 am EST

Leonhardtx says:
P.S.: I know the article reflects the thinking of many young guys. I see the fear and defensiveness in them nowadays, and that's why I get steamed about this kind of talk. When I was a kid, a guy felt very comfortable in the locker room. Now you'd think it is one of the most dangerous places a guy can go.
I don't have kids yet, but I don't want my sons to acquire this kind of fear and defensiveness. They will know how to protect themselves from gay or pedophile predators, and otherwise they will be happy to be themselves in masculine environments.

Posted on 08/18/2008 at 9:58 am EST

Rating: 

Leonhardtx says:
I disagree with points 1 & 3 because they encourage fear, worry, and unmasculine defensiveness. We are full grown competent men, who can handle anything. But we are supposed to be afraid of other straight men in the locker room? Nuts.

We should be relaxed in a masculine environment. I don't encourage staring, but a glance at a guy's arms, abs, back, legs, or even his crotch isn't something to worry about. We're like dogs, naturally curious, and it's not gay to look at the obvious. It's not masculine to be fearful.

If a guy actually hits on another guy verbally he should be told off real fast. If he touches another guy, stronger action is required. Otherwise don't sweat it. We don't have women around to worry about, so we should be relaxed and natural, the way our fathers are.

Posted on 08/18/2008 at 9:54 am EST

NY guy says:
And For God Sake, DO NOT SIT ON THE BENCHES NAKED. PLEASE PLEASE PUT A TOWEL UNDER YOU UGLY BUTT!!!!!!!

Posted on 08/18/2008 at 9:32 am EST