Gay Life in Japan: a personal explanation

seanolan

Expert on Something
 Posts: 166
Location: Shirakawa, Fukushima, Japan

 As a gay man in Japan, I have some experience in this, so let me give my 2 yen. First, there is no religious bias from most Japanese. Historically, many Japanese have been homosexual (some buddhist temples in Japan actually kept young men {even young boys at time, sadly} specifically because they were beautiful and the monks would have regular sexual encounters with them, and samurai often had relationships with their "squires" or "apprentices" {not sure what the Japanese word for that is} )according to some of the gay literature I have read here. That said, there is a strong bias, not against same sex acts, but against a homosexual lifestyle, because it is not within the traditional Japanese lifestyle.

A youth is expected to go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, and support the family by doing so. Someone who falls outside of that pattern is instantly regarded with suspicion and even contempt by many traditional Japanese. Obviously, a homosexual relationship and lifestyle falls well outside that pattern. I would liken Japanese homosexual culture to that of America in the early 70's, without the active persecution or violence of that time. Most people don't even consider it (you'd be AMAZED how many Japanese have told me that there are no gay Japanese...hand to god!) Those that do, often consider it a choice (and not a good one) and somehow deficient, although many women do consider it hip and cool to have a gay male friend.

There is a lot of confusion, incidentally, even in the language, about the difference between being gay, trangendered and transvestite. In fact, most words in the Japanese language make no distinction between the different identities. Ironically, while homosexuality as a lifestyle is looked at askance, entertainers who break the gender boundaries are incredibly popular, both as objects of amusement and as legitimate entertainers. This leads to many Japanese having confusion about or denial of their orientation. The Japanese closet is deep. Almost all the gay Japanese men I have met over 30 are also married with children. Many of their wives even know that they are gay. It seems that as long as they have fulfilled the obligation to the community of a wife and children, it is tolerated.

Some just look at it as a physical thing (and the stereotype is that this sort of Japanese man is very unaffectionate with their partners in gay sex; no kissing or any form of emotional attachment is formed); that they simply want sex with a man as an urge to be satisfied. This attitude is also held by many heterosexual Japanese about homosexuals, that it is simply a physical urge, not a life-altering orientation. Many other gay Japanese men go the far opposite extreme, becoming extremely effeminate in all their behavior; sometimes even dressing and appearing as women (although not quite to the degree of transvestism).

 Rather than hiding it, they embrace the stereotype that Japanese culture places on them and in fact seem to be throwing it back in that culture's face. Gay bars and gay-oriented businesses are few and far between outside of the metropolises (such as Tokyo's Shinjuku Nichome) and compared to the America, even those venues are small. For instance, Nichome has approximately 200 gay bars (according to Fodor's) in the neighborhood, but from personal experience I can tell you that aside from a very few, these bars have a seating capacity of 6-15 people...they are bars, not clubs. There are also occasionally places in the most out-of-the-way towns that would shock you...my small town does not have a gay bar (or in fact any night clubs) but it does have a transexual snack/hostess bar! HOW it stays open in this town, I couldn't even tell you...

 There are quite a few small gay newspapers and magazines published in Japan, and they tend to be

very discrete in delivery. In the larger cities, there are gay encounter/social groups as well. Now, a bit of good news for foreigners coming to Japan...usually, Japanese have NO problem with homosexual foreigners. Remember, we are expected to not conform to Japanese culture (which can work for and against us in many situations) and so without any religious bias against homosexuality, we slip unscathed under the "conformity" radar...it's just one more weird thing about you, like eating raw vegetables, hating natto and wearing non-white shirts to work. However, there seems to be a bit of mild prejudice about us working with kids (or maybe not...I'll explain).

A few of the teachers I work/have worked with who know my orientation have told me it would be better for me not to talk about it, as some parents might be uncomfortable with me being in charge of their kids. On the other hand, several of my gay JET friends are not only out at the schools they teach at, but they have even taught lessons on homosexuality in other countries and how it is received there, without any negative fallout. So it could be that the teachers who spoke to me were simply being extra cautious, or my friends could have been lucky. I hope this is useful to you, or at least informative.

 Smile,  Sean

The idea of a gay clothing-optional camping resort

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Kalani and Kehena - clothing optional camping / beaches

When it gets closer to the time you start actually planning a trip to Hawaii, let me know and I'll fill

you in on more exactly where  -- at least Oahu and Hawaii. I'm afraid that I don't know Maui or Kauai very well - although I've been to each those islands at least once.

 Maybe I can't let you stay on my property since I've sold it now.  It was nothing but a square acre partly forested land but you can find several campgrounds or maybe a shared room in a hostel. So you'll probably enjoy more staying at a place like Kalani Resort (not free and it no longer has camping at $30 per night for a tent site. Kalani has a large pool with hot tubs and sauna which is clothing optional after 3 pm every day.

Kalani is within walking distance to Kehena Black Sands beach and that's nude all year long - very mixed set of people who hang out at Kehena -- as well as at Kalani. By the way, you might be able to get a job at Kalani Oceanside Resort. They have a program for temporary work-stays that pays your room and board in exchange for some work (20 - 30 hours a week). There are usually some really cool guys and gals -- from young people to seniors are needed for various kinds of work (kitchen, grounds, guest services, etc) and for teaching classes too. You could also look into temp jobs elsewhere around the islands if you wanted to stay longer.

Oahu has a very adequate public bus system that can get you almost

anywhere on the island you want to go. The Big Island is a different story: while there is a public bus system, the buses do not run very often (typically just twice a day on all but the couple of routes). You'll either have to hitch rides (very doable in Puna (the southeast region where I've been describing) or share a rental car - although there may be very limited bus service between major points. It's by picking up hitchers that I kind of stay tuned to the local vibes and also what the 'visitors' are doing - some are homesteading or housesitting, or just making ends meet by doing odd jobs etc. I've almost never been asked for money -- just rides or maybe cigarettes (but I don't smoke). Some of the people I've picked up are just living for a while on the island because they can and they like the laid-back life.

Actually, there are always some people staying/camping on Kehena Beach -- I guess you have to call them 'hippies' - I mean that's exactly what they look like and how they live -- most of the guys seem to let their hair grow long and they braid it and twist into a Rastafarian (sp?) reggae style. They often wear long flowing shirts with or without pants and are obviously anti-underwear - there are women too, but fewer actually live/camp on the beach -- although there are all kinds of people there, especially on the weekends. It's really cool on Sundays when dozens -- even hundreds of people gather on Kehena to dance, play music, and enjoy partying/socializing/smoking. The hippie guys and gals never hesitate to join in and love to get naked and gyrate, cavort to the ethnic beat that the drummers and other amateur musicians have gathered to improvise.

While that's amusing, it's more fun to watch for dolphins and whales (not the beached types) and to look at the cool board-type male and female bodies, many of which aren't wearing any at the moment,  throw themselves into the crashing waves trying to bodysurf or boogie board. Hey. I've gone on way to long....

Below is a pic of me walking back from Kehena Black Sands Beach, it's in a sheltered lagoon under a cliff face (so it's not public exposure and so too why some people camp out there - discreetly, of course) -- I am freeballing in my see-thru mesh shorts. I can't wait to get back there after Christmas - just after I leave the San Fran Bay area from a few days with my son and his family
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A Massage for my new friend, George by Thorn

I was on a weekend trip away with friends. I am gay, but not out to these

friends. Let me say I enjoy a bit of fooling around with them, but never going so far as to suggest I was anything other than a hetero male, who liked a laugh. I could enjoy the scenery as long as I didn't make it too obvious that I was actually lusting after my friends with their fit sexy bods. George was the youngest. A really fit guy who just had his 18th birthday. He was a newcomer to our group so I didn't really know him. 

Somehow, I managed to time my arrival at the hotel check in just right and ended up sharing a room with him. I must admit it wasn't pure chance and there were some stirrings of excitement. I knew I was very unlikely to have my way with him, but at the very least I would surely catch glimpses of him without his shirt, possibly even wandering around the bedroom in briefs or boxers. 

I began to wonder which he wore. I followed him up the stairs and found my eyes just at the level of his cute tight bum. I could see the telltale sign with the ridges of his briefs just visible through his jeans. God he was a sexy guy.We got to the room, changed and headed out for a lads night on the town.  It was a good night with plenty of drink and the usual lowering of inhibitions and as the night went on. I was always amused how the most carefully macho guys, often turned quite familiar after a few drinks. While sober they would never touch other members of the group, but when drunk they would sling their arms round your neck. maybe even your waist and generally uninhibited about touching almost any part of your body. Being gay, I liked this and encouraged it. George, perhaps not so used to alcohol, was now very merry and was hanging onto the guys - including giving me a real bear hug at one point. I tried not to look too much like I enjoyed it! Together we made it to the final night club and time to go home. George needed a hand to get him back to the hotel and up the stairs. I remember taking advantage of the situation to give his body a good exploration - all in the name of helping him stay upright. I had him held up with an arm around his waist. I even managed to wangle a hand on his bum as we headed up to our room. As I fumbled for the room key I just happened to let my hand brush across the front of his jeans - enough to feel the warmth and outline of his dick and balls. Mmmm, I thought, wish Icould really get in there. All this exploration of this fit young lad had got me really horny, excited and hard. We got into the room and George half fell onto one of the beds. He muttered how it had been a great night.Yeah I said, stripping off to my briefs and heading to the bathroom. My dick was still hard with the fun I had had with George. I stared at him as I went to the loo to brush my teeth. He was a really sexy guy, lying limply and relaxed on the bed. I returned and - while he was looking at me I wriggled out of my briefs, delighted to see that I had caught his attention. My dick was quite hard and I fancied that George had enjoyed my show. I hopped into bed and George picked himself up and started undressing. He was as sexy as I expected. A lean body, but not too lean, sculpted chest and a little bit of a six pack, with a sexy belly button and a downy trail of hair disappearing into his black and white briefs. The package was impressive and I could clearly see his dick, looking ever so slightly hard. George made a point of walking over to me and standing in front of me lying in the bed. His briefs were at my face level and he was clearly uninhibited thanks to the alcohol and also making a deliberate point of standing close to me so that I got a real eyeful of the goods, albeit wrapped in those sexy briefs. 

Clearly I could see his dick was a little hard. George disappeared to the loo and I heard the scrubbings of teeth through the open door. I looked across and could see through the slightly open door that he had stripped off completely and was stroking his hardening dick! I could not believe my eyes and kept  
watching, stroking my own dick under the covers.

George came out totally naked, his dick semi hard and passed the other bed to come across to the one where I was. Without lifting the covers he crashed face first onto the pillows and lay there beside me, naked. "I could do with a massage," he said. I hopped out from under the covers and started to massage his neck and shoulders. His skin felt wonderfully soft and warm as he emitted low, happy sounded groans of pleasure. I worked slowly down his back, then started to massage his tight little bum, now sitting astride George as I got bolder. Between his legs I could see his beautiful uncut dick seemed to be getting bigger as he lay motionless face down on the bed. 
I shifted position and George deftly rolled over presenting the front of his body to view. His dick was now standing to attention as was mine. I massaged his chest, then down his stomach before moving my hand into his pubic hair. He gave a delighted squeal, which encouraged me to move on to his dick and he gave a low happy sigh. I started pumping his beautiful soft, but warm dick. There was a little bead of precum forming at the tip. George was lying back, clearly savouring every stroke. Then I felt his hand grab my dick and start stroking. We came together in a with a mutual sigh of sexual contentment. We then snuggled into bed locked into an embrace which seemed to last all night. The next morning I awoke to find George still with his arms around my body. George and I became good friends. We never let on to the group that we were gay, but we tried where ever possible to share a room if we went on a trip. George was also a regular visitor to my flat and almost invariably would end up naked, either just because he wanted to, or because I would challenge him to a dare.